I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
