the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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