I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
