I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
