I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
