If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
