I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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