I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
