Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
