Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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