He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
