please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
