do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
