rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
