She is in my trunk
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
