apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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