Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
