if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
