the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
