I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
