I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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