Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
