TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
