You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
