He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
