i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
