Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
