just tell him i said nine months
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
