I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
