After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize