I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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