cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
