Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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