I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
