I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
