i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just found puke in my bra..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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