I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize