if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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