we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
