i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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