Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
