I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
