I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
