dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i will never coherently bang her
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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