apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I can't turn off my feet"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
