I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
