Porn is love you can see.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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