i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
