I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
