tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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