OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
