It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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