so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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