im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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