It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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