I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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