put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think your dad took our porno
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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