hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
