R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
