I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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